I had my abortion due to some huge "drama". my now husband and I were seperated. We had been talking for a year.
I was having trouble at home so i moved in with a friend which was a guy and had a little boy. I don't want to go into detail
but i will say I left bacause i loved my husband and the relastionship with the other was abusive. A month later a found out
i was pregnant. My husbands families words is what drove me to the abortion clinic. They said I killed his dreams of ever
having his own child. Others said i would lay down with my legs open for anyone. I thought it was the only way for my daughter
and I to be exepted in to their family. I didn't want Jr. to be treated bad because of what I had done. It seemed like the
only way "out" but now I don't care what his family says or thinks. I let my child die because they made me feel bad because
I am a girl who can get pregnant. Instead of seeing him as a gift they saw him as nothing. Now i have endometritis and I don't
know if my cervix is going to be strong enough if I do conceive to carry the full term. In one week I had a D&E and a
D&C, God will let it happen if it is meant to be. The thought of me killing my last chance to have a child makes
me scared. But nothing can take all the pain away that i feel from losing my son. They say it is a women's choice to abort
a child, the women at the clinic knew I didn't want to lose my child. But, they still allowed it.
My husband was going through alot mentally, he just returned to Germany from Iraq. His mind basically just didn't work.
He couldn't think, he was trying to find God. The day he told his family I was pregnant, i spoke to them heard what had to
say which was anything but comforting. then i called Michael back and he told me he wanted to put the marraige on hold. That
he needed time to figure out what he wanted. With all this happening on the same day right after he spoke to his family, I
thought he felt the same as they did. I had to "fix" things. Only I didn't fix anything. I can't stand when his family calls.
His mother has told me " o you will get over it", His mother was supposed to come visit in May, I can't handle the thought
of her speaking of Jr, not even if it is nice. It makes me sick. To me they have no right to mutter his name. and that will
never change. Every time they call and i answer the phone i only hear the words they had told me. It still cuts through me
like a knife.I killed my son so mike's dreams would come true yet know i may not even be able to have other children.
